last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
