why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm at about main and main street
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Randomize
