spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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