I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
So much rum. So many feels.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize