I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
