bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
