Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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