If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
