i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Success! We fucked roommates!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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