Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
