I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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