There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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