turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
