need another drink. this is the easiest way
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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