I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
