My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
