okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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