If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
