the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
