I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
