So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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