I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
