i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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