She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
