She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
