If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
