I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize