So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
