so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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