I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Ladies don't puke and tell
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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