how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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