I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
