Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
