he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
