You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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