I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
