I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
