Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
