Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
