I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
We are two peas in an std pod
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize