I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Randomize
