Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
