my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
