Michael Bay diarrhea
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
