Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
