somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize