What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
