He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
