I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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