All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
