currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
