please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
