I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
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