So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You dont lie about slip and slides
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
