Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize