There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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