no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
