I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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