I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
