She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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