He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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