after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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