ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
my shit smells like andre
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
