So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
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