I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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