but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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