Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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