last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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