Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
