he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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