How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i will never coherently bang her
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
