Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
