He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
